woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
