I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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