She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
