we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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