he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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