Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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