you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
