i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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