You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
