just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
