How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
