Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
