Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
