Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
