you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No subtext here. People are naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
