We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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