Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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