I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and she was petting her beer can
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
