somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
