I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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