I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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