Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
