i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
