3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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