i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
