i jhust puked up my retainher.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
