tell your sister to shave her snatch
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
