I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
