Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
