I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
