she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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