you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i now understand why vodka
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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