Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
