My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
