I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
