Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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