Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
