im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
