He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
why is half of my head shaved?
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