I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
