you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
