dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
