i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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