So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
