no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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