Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
