my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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