the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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