Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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