Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
