dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
