dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
third nipple confirmed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
