I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
