Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
