Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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